Lately I’ve received a lot of comments and emails wanting to help me make my website more SEO (Search Engine Optimized). The comments here are from Spambots, which are teeny tiny robots that crawl over unsuspecting computer users keyboards and send out annoying emails. I think this is how Cyberdyne Systems finally envisioned the T-800. These teeny tiny robots, or bots as they like to be called, are actually little tiny Terminators that beg you to check out their website. Upon clicking the link, tiny Terminators use Time Displacement Equipment to warp over to your computer. These little Arnold’s are so small you can’t see them with the naked eye, but they are there. Anyway, when you click the link, the page flips and you are presented with a basic advertisement explaining all the ways you can pay to become more SEO.
When you try to leave the page by using the back button, this is when the Arnold’s take over. A small window pops up and asks: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CLOSE THIS WINDOW? CLICK OKAY TO…blah, blah, blah, you know the rest. Fortunately, the other Terminator, the good Arnold, comes to the rescue and allows you to just close your browser. “You have been terminated.” It’s annoying, but at least you’re no longer trapped in Skynet. I swear I heard good Arnold yelling at me the other night, “Get down! Run, run to the mouse! Close your browser if you want to live!”
Seriously, this is one of the pitfalls if you run a website. Unavoidable, but certainly not something you have to break down and throw money at. I’ve been blessed with a rare last name that makes me SEO…YAY for me. But say, what about someone with a common name, like Richard Thomas? In Richard’s case, not only is his name kinda common, but is easily confused with the guy from the Walton’s who played Hank Williams Jr in that TV movie. So what did Richard do? His website is called, http://www.whatdoesnotkillme.com. You search that with Google, and you’re going to get Richard Thomas, once you pass the two Friedrich Nietzsche links, of course. Richard’s not going to upstage Nietzsche for sure, but here’s hoping. I use Obscuradrome, which literally means Dark Arena, as the name of my website, and it gets visitors here just fine.
Use your noggin, think of something original, make sure you search it thoroughly, and use it as your tag to make your website SEO. That way you will be able to Terminate the bad Arnold’s and sleep good at night, forever SEO.
Speed readers Livius Nedin and Robb Olson at Booked review Artemis Fowl author Eoin Colfer’s new book, Plugged, which is not a children’s book. Also, next week, the guys interview Donald Ray Pollock who is certainly SEO. To check out this weeks book review, just click right here. Don’t worry, this is a bad Arnold free zone.