SEO Spambot Rant/A New Booked Podcast

Lately I’ve received a lot of comments and emails wanting to help me make my website more SEO (Search Engine Optimized). The comments here are from Spambots, which are teeny tiny robots that crawl over unsuspecting computer users keyboards and send out annoying emails. I think this is how Cyberdyne Systems finally envisioned the T-800. These teeny tiny robots, or bots as they like to be called, are actually little tiny Terminators that beg you to check out their website. Upon clicking the link, tiny Terminators use Time Displacement Equipment to warp over to your computer. These little Arnold’s are so small you can’t see them with the naked eye, but they are there. Anyway, when you click the link, the page flips and you are presented with a basic advertisement explaining all the ways you can pay to become more SEO.

Yawn.

When you try to leave the page by using the back button, this is when the Arnold’s take over. A small window pops up and asks: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CLOSE THIS WINDOW? CLICK OKAY TO…blah, blah, blah, you know the rest. Fortunately, the other Terminator, the good Arnold, comes to the rescue and allows you to just close your browser. “You have been terminated.” It’s annoying, but at least you’re no longer trapped in Skynet. I swear I heard good Arnold yelling at me the other night, “Get down! Run, run to the mouse! Close your browser if you want to live!”

Seriously, this is one of the pitfalls if you run a website. Unavoidable, but certainly not something you have to break down and throw money at. I’ve been blessed with a rare last name that makes me SEO…YAY for me. But say, what about someone with a common name, like Richard Thomas? In Richard’s case, not only is his name kinda common, but is easily confused with the guy from the Walton’s who played Hank Williams Jr in that TV movie. So what did Richard do? His website is called, http://www.whatdoesnotkillme.com. You search that with Google, and you’re going to get Richard Thomas, once you pass the two Friedrich Nietzsche links, of course. Richard’s not going to upstage Nietzsche for sure, but here’s hoping. I use Obscuradrome, which literally means Dark Arena, as the name of my website, and it gets visitors here just fine.

Use your noggin, think of something original, make sure you search it thoroughly, and use it as your tag to make your website SEO. That way you will be able to Terminate the bad Arnold’s and sleep good at night, forever SEO.

______________________________________________________________________________

Speed readers Livius Nedin and Robb Olson at Booked review Artemis Fowl author Eoin Colfer’s new book, Plugged, which is not a children’s book. Also, next week, the guys interview Donald Ray Pollock who is certainly SEO. To check out this weeks book review, just click right here. Don’t worry, this is a bad Arnold free zone.

Advertisements

9 responses to “SEO Spambot Rant/A New Booked Podcast

  1. I have to jump in and defend the practice of SEO a bit. The spam bots, yeah, they suck. But they spam for everything. SEO services are just one of the many, many things those damn bots spam about (Viagra, anyone?). Generally speaking, SEO (Search Engine Optimization) is a good thing. It’s simply means the practice of helping search engines to understand what your website is all about.

    Spamming is not the way to approach people about helping a website, though. So, yeah, fuck spambots.

    One more note (I swear I’m not trying to sell anything here), when someone is searching for your name, Bob Pastorella, for example, you shouldn’t need an optimized site to appear first. The optimization part comes in when people are searching for things like “horror author” or “good book about zombies.” To appear high in the rankings for terms like that can literally mean tons of books sales for a horror book publisher or horror novel review blog. But for authors like you and me, who aren’t selling much directly through our websites, often just making sure your name appears in a few places on your website is enough to show the search engines that your website is your website.

    But with common names like Richard Thomas, yeah, I don’t envy him. But you did a nice thing here, Bob, by hyperlinking to Richard’s site using his full name of “Richard Thomas” as the anchor-text (re: the hyperlinked text). That’s one way we get search engines to pay attention to the rad author, not the aged (dead?) actor.

    I’m a nerd. I know.

    • Caleb, I agree with you 100%. It’s annoying, but a necessary evil we all put up with spambots to make sure our websites, basically, rock. I know I’m behind the times, (I’ve never tagged anything here, but that’s about to change) but that knowledge allows me to poke fun at the system, in a sense ‘create a post’ where a need for one didn’t exist. I wasn’t trying to say SEO is a bad thing. SEO is good, and I’m very fortunate to have been blessed with a spectacular last name. (Notice a search of my name doesn’t bring late actor Robert Pastorelli into the mix. Great actor, should come up on a Google search of my name because of his death and drug problems being broadcast across the news the world over, but he never comes up when you search my name. It might be the Bob vs. Robert thing, but he should still turn up in a search for my name because the last name is different by one letter, more than likely an Ellis Island mistake more than anything, but he should still show up because quite simply, he’s more famous than me. I mean, damn…he was Weldon the painter on Murphy Brown.) After fifteen spambot comments this week, and just as many emails telling me I’m not SEO, I got a little peeved, and needed to vent a little. Thanks for expressing your views, I know you know what you’re talking about.

  2. I would like to express my love for your kindness supporting those people who require assistance with the concern. Your real commitment to getting the solution all through became rather important and have really enabled folks like me to reach their ambitions. Your warm and friendly instruction denotes so much a person like me and substantially more to my mates. Best wishes; from all of us.

    • I would like to express my hatred for your stupidity supporting those spambots who require assistance finding their asses. Your real commitment to getting as many clicks to your website has enabled folks like to reach out and spread the word about your evil. Your rude and demeaning posturing denotes so much to other spambots like yourself and substantially more to my mates (Whatever the fuck that means?!) Fuck off, from me. Thanks.

  3. Caleb, I agree with you 100%. It’s annoying, but a necessary evil we all put up with spambots to make sure our websites, basically, rock. I know I’m behind the times, (I’ve never tagged anything here, but that’s about to change) but that knowledge allows me to poke fun at the system, in a sense ‘create a post’ where a need for one didn’t exist. I wasn’t trying to say SEO is a bad thing. SEO is good, and I’m very fortunate to have been blessed with a spectacular last name. (Notice a search of my name doesn’t bring late actor Robert Pastorelli into the mix. Great actor, should come up on a Google search of my name because of his death and drug problems being broadcast across the news the world over, but he never comes up when you search my name. It might be the Bob vs. Robert thing, but he should still turn up in a search for my name because the last name is different by one letter, more than likely an Ellis Island mistake more than anything, but he should still show up because quite simply, he’s more famous than me. I mean, damn…he was Weldon the painter on Murphy Brown.) After fifteen spambot comments this week, and just as many emails telling me I’m not SEO, I got a little peeved, and needed to vent a little. Thanks for expressing your views, I know you know what you’re talking about.
    +1

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s