Keeping Up With The Skankashians.

I think I’ve been doing it all wrong. Somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that I need to get up early in the morning, go to a job, and work. I don’t think I’m alone in this, because I know all the other people I see in their cars early in the morning aren’t just riding around for the fun of it. They must have a purpose in mind, because they are all driving too fast for just a little morning drive around the block. There’s determination in their eyes, at least when they are not talking on the phone or texting behind the wheel. In this world of Have vs. HaveNots, I’m definitely in the Havenot category, so to Have the few possessions I call my own, I must go to a job and make money. This is a tried and true tradition that’s been going on for a long time, at least the last couple of decades anyway. 

There are a few, privileged, people in this world that HaveNOT a clue what work is. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say: Wish that was me. Seriously. You hear those people on TV that just won the $30 million lottery say they’re going to keep on working? They’re stupid. Work is overrated. If I won $30 million in the lottery, you can know that I plan on never doing anything close to work again, ever. If I was born privileged, I wouldn’t work either.

But I wasn’t born privileged, so it’s off to work I go.

Reality TV is one field you can get in and never have to work again. Apparently, the creative juices in TV world dried up about fifteen-twenty years ago, because other than the occasional gem like Seinfeld, or The Office, or even AMC’s Breaking Bad, there’s really nothing else to watch on TV but reality TV shows. This is a direct reflection of exactly how low we’ve sunk collectively to be entertained, and…and, what’s even more sickening, is how fast the studio execs in TV world have grasped this little faucet of information and pumped it all directly into our brains.

We’ve been dumbed-down, selectively, and on purpose. Case in point: Kim Kardashian. I thought about writing a nice big fat juicy paragraph about her rise to fame, with all it’s trials and tribulations, but I figured I might just list all her big fat juicy talents for you, that way you can see for yourselves.

Kim’s talents:

And that’s about it, in a nutshell. What? There’s nothing there? Why of course there’s nothing there in the list, silly. Were you expecting a big fat juicy list of all the talents she has, accompanied by a big fat juicy explanation of why I think they’re important, perhaps a big fat juicy slew of footnotes down at the bottom of the page where I credit all my references? Please don’t get me wrong, the girl is gorgeous, but so is the girl who lives in the apartment three doors down from me, and the girl who rang up my purchases at the store last night, and the girl who took my money when I went out to the club last weekend. There are three thing’s that makes Kim a star. 1) She grew up privileged. She grew up a Have, and did her best to stay away from the HaveNots. 2) A sex tape put her on the radar. Take away the money and put that on your resume, see how fast you wish you wouldn’t have said those famous words: Turn the camera on. 3) Her butt.

A sex tape and her big fat juicy butt and money from the family. Skanky-Money-Butt. Sounds like the title of a reality TV show. Kim’s Skanky-Money-Butt, only on E!

Talent? Kim has no talent, but many will keep watching her on TV, in her pseudo-real world which is called Reality TV, wondering why they can’t be like her, a superstar. TV world has taken someone with absolutely nothing to offer and turned her into a star, and people are eating it up, and have been eating it up, and will continue to eat it up. Have we sunk so low that we are all envious of nothing but air and a big fat juicy butt? 

So you want to get out of working for a living? Want to be a superstar, but you’ve got no talent? No problem, here’s how you do it. Grow up privileged. A Have, not a HaveNot, make a sex tape, and get yourself a big fat juicy butt. Those three things will get you a Reality TV show and all the attention you could ever want for the rest of your life, or at least until people grow tired of watching you be a no-talent ass-clown. As for me, I’m going to continue working just like everyone else, and writing, practicing my talent, honing my skills. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to write for money and that will be my new job. Until then, just know that you won’t be seeing me on any reality TV show anytime soon. 

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